Hey All, This is one of those stories..................maybe to graphic or personal for young people. I'm going to tell a story no one had ever heard until a year ago........................and then I only told it because I was specifically asked a personal question. Seems the VA is doing a survey. Maybe it was better kept as a secret but, I had come to a point of no return in my life....................so I didn't care anymore.
June 1979. I went to Columbia, South Carolina for Basic Training. Fort Jackson was really a hot place in the summer. I was looking forward to a new life. The military was structured and disciplined by most accounts and I was anxious to start fresh from the life I had known up until this point. I had hope that I could have a normal life, that I would be given a chance to prove myself and be treated as everyone else. I was a fool ....................................people are still sinners, even in the military. The next part of my life begins......
We got to Columbia by train from Philadelphia. It was an overnight trip and I got drunk on Southern Comfort bought by a guy in Philly. I was hungover but sobered quickly when we got there. The Drill Sergeants were yelling just inches from our faces They were SGT's Blenis and Powell. I'm not sure how but I ended being chosen as assistant squad leader for the 4th squad. The squad leader was a female and as such I acted as squad leader for the 4th squad in the male barracks. I had found favor with Sgt Powell for some reason and he always treated me with respect as soldier and a person. One night he had CQ, which is Charge of Quarters. He was responsible for the Company overnight. CQ's had runners, enlisted that would go and check on things or occupy Company Headquarters while the CQ did security checks. Normally there is one runner..................but this night there were two . There was a female soldier who was attracted to me and I her........................... she and I had duty together that night. Drill Sergeant talked to us and told us that we could do whatever we wanted for the next hour but told us not to do it on the Commanders desk. You don't need a road map here....................but back then I did. I never had sex and was very uncomfortable with what was expected of us. We left and wandered around Headquarters until our hour was up........................no sex or even a kiss. Yeah, I realize what many guys would have done.........but I honestly and maybe foolishly wanted my first sexual experience to count for something, more than just the experience of sex itself. I wanted control for once in my life over something I felt was so very personal. I was an idiot.
When we got Basic Training, we all were immunized against God knows what. I ended up ill from something and was found late at night on a security check by SGT Powell. He called for medical assistance and I had an upper respiratory infection and a fever of 102. I had to be removed from the barracks and was taken to the hospital and admitted while I was still ill and contagious. I was given medications for the symptoms and the usual hospital attire. I awakened in the night...........................because I had ejaculated. I sat up and was confused...................... I was exposed. My penis was wet but there was no semen. I sat there trying figure out what was going on.................................it didn't make sense or register with me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement in the the dark by the door................................I looked with just enough time to see someone running out the door. I immediately understood what had happened and had a temper flare. I was going to kick somebody's ass. I got myself together and ran out in the hallway.......................nobody insight. I started a room to room search and then realized after awhile that I would not find this person and returned to my room and remained awake the rest of the night. I don't know who it was or if they were male or female. I only know that I was robbed of my personal choice. Yeah, I know that most guys would look at like so what's the big deal....................... you got oral sex, wish it was me. It was and is a big deal. It's not about the physical act, it's about having a say for change about something very personal in my life. If I was a female, then it would be viewed differently?
A day later, I was released and returned to my Company. I will never be the same person or will I ever view my life the same way. I thought I was free from the past..................................I only had reaffirmation that I would never be safe and I was angry with myself for being an idiot and expecting that things would change for the better. What's wrong with me? What can I do to stop these things from happening? I would find an answer but it wouldn't be the one I was looking for.
Until next time....................................God Bless.
June 1979. I went to Columbia, South Carolina for Basic Training. Fort Jackson was really a hot place in the summer. I was looking forward to a new life. The military was structured and disciplined by most accounts and I was anxious to start fresh from the life I had known up until this point. I had hope that I could have a normal life, that I would be given a chance to prove myself and be treated as everyone else. I was a fool ....................................people are still sinners, even in the military. The next part of my life begins......
We got to Columbia by train from Philadelphia. It was an overnight trip and I got drunk on Southern Comfort bought by a guy in Philly. I was hungover but sobered quickly when we got there. The Drill Sergeants were yelling just inches from our faces They were SGT's Blenis and Powell. I'm not sure how but I ended being chosen as assistant squad leader for the 4th squad. The squad leader was a female and as such I acted as squad leader for the 4th squad in the male barracks. I had found favor with Sgt Powell for some reason and he always treated me with respect as soldier and a person. One night he had CQ, which is Charge of Quarters. He was responsible for the Company overnight. CQ's had runners, enlisted that would go and check on things or occupy Company Headquarters while the CQ did security checks. Normally there is one runner..................but this night there were two . There was a female soldier who was attracted to me and I her........................... she and I had duty together that night. Drill Sergeant talked to us and told us that we could do whatever we wanted for the next hour but told us not to do it on the Commanders desk. You don't need a road map here....................but back then I did. I never had sex and was very uncomfortable with what was expected of us. We left and wandered around Headquarters until our hour was up........................no sex or even a kiss. Yeah, I realize what many guys would have done.........but I honestly and maybe foolishly wanted my first sexual experience to count for something, more than just the experience of sex itself. I wanted control for once in my life over something I felt was so very personal. I was an idiot.
When we got Basic Training, we all were immunized against God knows what. I ended up ill from something and was found late at night on a security check by SGT Powell. He called for medical assistance and I had an upper respiratory infection and a fever of 102. I had to be removed from the barracks and was taken to the hospital and admitted while I was still ill and contagious. I was given medications for the symptoms and the usual hospital attire. I awakened in the night...........................because I had ejaculated. I sat up and was confused...................... I was exposed. My penis was wet but there was no semen. I sat there trying figure out what was going on.................................it didn't make sense or register with me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement in the the dark by the door................................I looked with just enough time to see someone running out the door. I immediately understood what had happened and had a temper flare. I was going to kick somebody's ass. I got myself together and ran out in the hallway.......................nobody insight. I started a room to room search and then realized after awhile that I would not find this person and returned to my room and remained awake the rest of the night. I don't know who it was or if they were male or female. I only know that I was robbed of my personal choice. Yeah, I know that most guys would look at like so what's the big deal....................... you got oral sex, wish it was me. It was and is a big deal. It's not about the physical act, it's about having a say for change about something very personal in my life. If I was a female, then it would be viewed differently?
A day later, I was released and returned to my Company. I will never be the same person or will I ever view my life the same way. I thought I was free from the past..................................I only had reaffirmation that I would never be safe and I was angry with myself for being an idiot and expecting that things would change for the better. What's wrong with me? What can I do to stop these things from happening? I would find an answer but it wouldn't be the one I was looking for.
Until next time....................................God Bless.
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