Wednesday, October 31, 2012

In Search Of....

Hey All,    Each of us has searched for something at at least once in our lives......and  I don't mean  Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.  Sometimes, what we seek isn't an object or a person. Sometimes, .it was never missing and sometimes.......... it will never be found.
    I was asked by someone for of all people.  It's like asking a blind man for directions. It was said, that given my background, at least what they knew of it, that I may be able help them understand .  A relative of this person came from a family background I could relate too.  This person , I call "Relative" frequently purchased things and stayed in contact with their family even though they lived in another state.  Relative now had a family of their own and could be considered to be wealthy by many standards.
     Relative grew up in a home that was far from "Ward and June Cleaver" and  tried to find their place and role in the internal family structure when they were a child.........and as an adult. There were siblings and Relative was a middle child...........I guess most of this is how I am similar.
      I am certainly not in a position to judge......only to ponder and offer an opinion.   My reply was that Relative was still searching...........looking for the piece in their life that was noticeably absent to them......but not to their family.  Love and acceptance at the very basic level and first begins as a child at home.  Who we will  become is affected if we are treated differently or less favorably than our siblings  This appears to me to be obvious.  I believe that Relative has void from a Maternal and Paternal level and through visits, phone conversations and buying things that their parents that they can not for themselves is pushing to be loved and treated as their siblings are. How can someone express this?  "Hey I'm your kid too!  Don't I count?  Don't I deserve your affection?  I am right here in front of you.  Don't you see me?   Won't you show your love to me too? How long do I have to wait?  What do I need to do?  Hey, I'm your kid too.....aren't I?"  This is a unending search for  love and acceptance.........looking for parental approval.  Our bodies age and we feel it as times goes by..........but our hearts can get stuck and hampered by not getting the nurturing love we crave so deeply.  Our needs are foundational to our growth physically and emotionally..........without proper care and nourishment our growth in any form is delayed or worse strangled. It's like looking for water in middle of desert. I pray you find it.
      Sometimes this desire can  lead to a lifelong attempt to mend a broken bridge in your heart.  You're not the one who broke it.........but you're the one stranded on the other side.  It's extremely difficult to change these feelings.  Some get to point when they realize that nothing they do will change the past or future losses with someone so important to them. They stop walking into that closed door...............they start the long journey around it.  I wish these travelers a safe and successful trip...........they need and deserve it.
                 Until next time............God Bless.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

All in a Days Work

Hey All,     Many of us have had days when we have great days at work.............sometimes it's just because we enjoy our jobs.  Not everyday is the same and some days surpass others in one way or another.
      October 1997.  This was a great year.  Penny said "I do" and and life was good overall.  On this one particular day, Penny and I had a dinner date.  I was a self employed Plumbing/HVAC contractor and had a boiler installation just two blocks from home.  Penny cautioned me not to be late coming home.............I was notoriously late for everything. Some habits are hard to break.
       My customer was a little 88 year old lady whom I had worked for quite a few years  and her sons family as well. I had a helper working with me then, a teenager from church.  He's a hard working lad and assisted me almost daily.  We cleared the way that we would bring the boiler in the house.  There was no basement entry so we had to go through the kitchen and down the basement stairs.  We were all set when the truck arrived with the boiler safely packed in a wooden crate.  The delivery man had only worked for this company a couple of months and he was late and arrived at noon. These things happen................I'm well versed.  He strapped the boiler on his heavy duty dolly and we brought it into the house to the top of the stairs. Now this guy was of athletic build............. thin and muscular.  We decided that he would take the top and my helper and I would brace the bottom and this was the way we usually did this.  About a third of the way down 18 steps I noticed something was just a little off.  The boiler was coming down faster than it should have fast that it was bouncing from step to step and it made quite a bit of noise and vibration.   I looked up and the delivery guy was sitting on a step.......... he wasn't able to handle the weight and lost his grip.  The boiler was on its own...............with two guys below trying to get out of the way.  We made it too........................except that my helper was standing in the way at the bottom...............fascinated by bouncing boiler, still strapped to the dolly.  I leaned across and shoved him in the chest and jumped back to get back out of the way.
        I felt a sharp pain in the side of my head and then I was airborne.  I landed ten feet from the now overturned boiler........onto the cold concrete floor.  I realized what had happened after a few seconds and  got to my hand and knees................with blood dripping from the side of my head.  Poor Mrs C.  She made her way down the stairs and was pretty shook up.  She got me towel and wanted to call an ambulance..............the dolly handle had hit me in the side of the head when the boiler overturned at the bottom of the steps and had torn my ear about half way through.  I told her I had no health coverage and not to do that.  I had my helper uncrate the boiler and inspect it for damage and then went to the clinic in town.  The doctor wouldn't treat me due to the nature of the accident and insisted that I go to the hospital for xrays and stitches and not to drive. I searched for a ride and finally got one from Mrs' C's daughter in law.  We drove to the Vet......I mean hospital,  all the way behind a drunk driver going 30 MPH, swerving from lane to lane.  They took me into the emergency room and the Vet......I mean doctor ordered Xrays  and was preparing to put in stitches.  It was then he asked about insurance...............suddenly Xrays weren't necessary and I was told that a shot to numb the ear would only make the bleeding worse.  He stitched me up without anything for the pain.  To add insult to literal injury, I got a bill for 600 dollars from the Vet..............Oh, I mean hospital.  I'll get it right someday.
      Penny told me if I didn't want to take her out that night that  I didn't have to go to so much trouble.  My right ear was twice the size of my left for quite some time.  Many of you who have read my stories know that I have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.  This is another incident that could have been life threatening. God had decide once again to keep me around..............for what, I'm not sure.  I'm pretty sure my guardian angel is due for a vacation..............he or she must be tired.  I know I am.
      Until the next time......................God Bless.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Catch

Hey All,   Life is full of surprises..........I realize that you already know that.  You didn't get this far without experiencing your fair share of everyone eventually experiences the unexpected..  Keep your eyes open............the next one might just be around the corner.
       While in school during the fall and early winter,  we trapped furbearers, such as fox, raccoon and muskrat for fun and spending money.  This was part of my fathers childhood and he passed this skill and tradition  along to his boys when they reached 12 years old.  It gave us a way to buy gifts for Christmas and things we might like to have.  Tommy was by far the most successful of my fathers son, when it came to this activity.   The law required  that you check your traps at least every 36 hours.........sometimes you were sick or were otherwise unable to do it yourself and your brother would check them for you.
       We were in High School and my friend Joe G had driven us up to Buckingham.  My cousin Carl,. who was about 20 years old, still lived with Grandma at this time while attending college, had come home just before we left to check Tommy's trap sets.  The Beast was already there as it was his favorite place to mooch..........I mean hang out.  Carl decided that he wanted to go along............not to be left out, so did the mooch.......I mean Beast...........Eh, synonyms..........two words, same picture in the dictionary.
     It was a moonless and crisp autumn night as we loaded into Carls station wagon.  He brought Dads .22 revolver in case Tom had caught something and needed to be dispatched.  Carl drove his wagon down through the grass fields near Buckingham Mountain to the first set and turned on his high beams.  We could see a pair of eyes reflecting back at us we got a little closer and stopped with the high beams illuminating a beautiful mature Red Fox.  I wasn't a big surprise because Tommy had caught many Red Fox............... as I have said he was the most successful of our litter.  We gathered around in a semi circle and admired this beautiful animal.  Carl was across form me and Joe G was  to his left, the Beast was to  my right   We had to keep a good distance from the Fox as not chance getting bit.............which put Carl about 15 feet away with Fox between us.  Carl loaded his pistol, cocked it and held it out at arms length as he sighted on the Fox..............then he just stood there like that.  I had my fingers in my ears and I removed them and asked " Are you going to pull that trigger or not?  We don't have all night and still have more sets to check."  He said " I have a better idea.  We'll take him alive and put him into the Fox pen, up back in the garden."  I groaned and said to him, "just how do think your going to do that?"  "I'll think of something", he replied.
       Now, Carl is a intelligent guy and frequently has great ideas.................this wasn't one of them.  He says to me " catch" and tosses the loaded, still cocked pistol, high over the Fox.  The  pistol flies over the Fox and I lost sight of it in the high beams of the car.  The first thing that came into my mind was "what the hell is he doing?   Has he lost his mind?"  I  thrust out both hands to where I thought the pistol was going come down and realized I had to catch it just right or someone might be shot.  I stepped forward to get in better position but the Fox lunged and reminded he still had sharp teeth and I jumped back as the spinning revolver came out of the blinding headlights into view.  I had no options but to wait for the pistol to come to me.
         I put my hands together........hoping catch it gently as possible in my open palms.  It was a plan............unfortunately, the guns spinning motion and the spots in my eyes from looking into the lights,  prevented that from happening.  I caught it alright.............with a finger in the trigger guard and it went off.  Everyone stood still and was silent for a long pause.  Then I shouted  "is anyone hit?"...................all responses were no.
     That night certainly could have turned out with a much more heartbreaking ending.  It was Russian Roulette with a uncontrolled, spinning firearm.............with anyone of four peoples lives at risk.  We all expressed our thoughts to Carl..............colorfully, then agreed we wouldn't tell Dad or Grandmom, so that Carl wouldn't get into trouble.  He already realized his mistake and no amount of screaming or physical threats would make him understand it any better.
      We got off easy with the lesson we learned that night.  Joe G still talks about.  In the lessons in life that come your  way,  you often find that you have no control come at you like a spinning gun that could hurt you or someone you care about.  You can only do what you can and say a may only get enough time for quick one.  Make them count.
             Until the next time..............God Bless.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Advance Individual Training

Hey All,       By the time I was 18, I had already had more experiences than I wanted to remember.  The problem lies with me.......I can't forget them. They are a permanent part of me that pop up as if they have a mind of their own.......sometimes random and sometimes with something to trigger them.........and the emotions that go with them come too.
   I had spent from the end of August/September 1979 to the end of November 1979 in training for my military job. I was on edge after the events from the story" Basic Training".........that was some "training" I could have done without. 
    I was at Fort Lee,  Virginia.  We slept in a large room in bunk beds in these barracks as was common in many units.  I had developed a cold with a low grade in Basic Training I was not permitted to stay as a precaution against infecting everyone else.   I was pretty apprehensive, but I was ordered to to the upper respiratory ward of the hospital until  the fever passed...........just as in Basic Training.  I was given meds and I eventually slept.  The Nurse was a captain and she came to get my vital signs..........she called" Private Scarborough" as she entered the room.  I went from sleeping,  to standing on the bed in panic and fear with my fists cocked in her face.   She  started backing slowly away as she spoke softly " easy........calm down......  I'm not going to hurt you" as she backed out of the room.   I got my bearings and my fear under control and sat down on the bed.  The Captain and a husky male nurse came back shortly after that.  I apologized for what had happened.  Hospitals and beds had become two places where I had been vulnerable............and would be again.
     Our unit moved across post to old WWII style barracks to make room for a new unit coming in.  My habit of drinking too much started back then.  I was never a problem, but I withdrew and only interacted with others when required or spoken to. I was always restless..........looking over my shoulder........waiting.  After a night of one too many, I sprawled out on my bunk without getting undressed and slept.  What happened next is in the official report.  A couple of the guys tried to engage me in conversation but I was out.  They decided I needed a cold the took me out of bed and carried me into the showers, turned on the cold water and threw me in.  I became conscious and jumped up..............cold, wet and confused as to what was happening.  I hit my head on the tile shower block in my sudden rise and went down........... out again as the cold water poured over me.  My body went onto shock and my body trembled.  The guys got scared and pulled me out and went for the Charge of Quarters (CQ).  An ambulance was called and I was treated for shock, hypothermia and nasty knot on my head.   I regained consciousness still shivering but my vital signs were stabilizing.  I was still confused with the lights and the people standing around me.  Those boys were reprimanded and the CO addressed the company about what could have happened........we were all lucky it didn't turn out differently.
      I stood under the streetlight smoking my pipe before lights out.  It was a nice cool autumn night and you and you could smell the changing season in the air. I always enjoyed this time of year and the peaceful quiet calm of night.  I had spent many nights as a kid in the fields at home..........often when when most people had long been in their beds.  I felt safe there for some of the few places that I did.
      Two men came walking down the road carrying bags from the PX.  I recognized each of them as they drew near as being from our unit.  One had to be careful back then......there was a rivalry between some units and a few men from different units had  beaten.......just because.  It sounded to me like gang type of behavior,, but, I couldn't believe that this could exist between military units..........I was wrong.  At first as they walked up to me they started talking trash..............when I identified who I was and who they were, one of them spoke up and stated that it didn't matter........they were going to kick my ass.  I explained to the guys that I knew who they were and would be able to indentify them when I filed a report with the MP's.  They tried to get me into the woods adjoining the barracks and as I resisted one of them grabbed my pipe and broke it.  That did it...... I got away and went straight to the CQ.  I filed a report and before I was finished the two men came in and filed their own report saying I attacked them.  The CO  investigated the next day and he didn't buy their version.  The leader of the two was ordered to pay for my pipe on the next payday and they got extra duty for their trouble as well.  Payday came and when I hadn't been paid I talked to our Platoon Sgt before the last formation of the day.  He  was aware of the circumstances and before he dismissed us, he called that guy forward and ordered him pay me, in front of the platoon.  He came up and refused..............he was then ordered to do it now or report to the CO for failing to follow a direct order.  He decided the pipe was cheaper then an Article 15 under the UCMJ. and paid me........but he was mad and you could see it.  I had been silent all that time, but, not being one to miss an opportunity............I said" It was pleasure doing business with you"!  That guy came unglued ........he lunged at me as the Platoon SGT and a couple other soldiers grabbed him.  He was ordered to sit on the ground and stay there and I was ordered to get out of Dodge.  The Platoon SGT stood guard over him...............I think he was making sure  to make sure that I wasn't followed.
      I mind my own business and try to stay out of doesn't seem to matter.    I know I should not have taunted or provoked that guy, as I knew that he had leaned toward the violent side.  I knew I would never see this guy again as it was my last day at this assignment and I was just plain tired of taking it quietly.  These events aren't the only stories I have from Ft Lee.  Some suggest that I write a book.  What could anyone walk away after reading it say, except to say I'm one of the world's unluckiest people? Maybe I give off some sort of non verbal  sign.  Maybe it's the way I look or smell.  Maybe this is part of God's plan........then there's no hope.  At this point..................I'm looking for some way to make sense out of this crap.  Am I really just that unlucky or is there something just wrong with me and this is all I deserve.   How can so many things happen to one person and be random events? Is my death the only cure for what ails me?
             Until next time.........................God Bless.