Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Missed Opportunities

Hey All      I do not consider myself to be a great chess player.  I take too much time in planning moves and am not a great strategist.   I have met some who are really good and love this game.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was playing two very different games at the same time.
         It was January 1981 and I was assigned to Headquarters Company, 3rd Brigade, Fort Lewis, Washington State.  Most of our Company had gone to Fort Drum, New York, for training and I was a member of the rear party left behind to secure and maintain our presence at headquarters.  I held the rank of SP4 at this time and was on a regular rotation for CQ (Charge of Quarters).  as was every other member of rear party.  This duty is a continuous 24 hour period with the next day off to rest and recover.  I was CQ runner for a  Black female SGT,  we all called by her 1st name, Winnie. I believe her last name was Cook.
         I still considered myself to be sexually pure.  I refused to accept any other definition for myself despite what had happened in Basic Training and the 2/47.  Some had known of my personal choice to remain celibate and this fact had followed me from my last assignment to this one.  This had become a source of  humor and ridicule for some and harassment for me. My current and previous assignments were geographically 100 yards apart and many of the personnel knew each reputation for celibacy preceeded me.
         I had occasion to pull CQ  with Winnie a few times during this time.  She was aware of my personal  choice and had taunted me the same as others had..  One night she left Post to go to Seattle-Tacoma airport to pick up a male friend and left me to occupy headquarters alone.  She had been gone for quite awhile and when she returned I made mention of this.  She bluntly told me that she had offered herself to me and I had turned her down.  She had been with her friend spending "quality time".  I was embarrassed and said nothing further about it.
        The next time I had CQ with Winnie she brought a friend.  She was a very attractive young black woman who was married to a man, whom was called "Mac", a shortened version of his name,  he was on the trip to Fort Drum,.   She had brought a chess set with her and claimed that she doesn't ever lose.  She had made several remarks about my celibate nature and decided that she wanted to be my first experience.  I reminded her of her marital status but apparently that wasn't an issue for her.  We played chess during this time and Winnie read a book she had, with an occasional laugh at some of her friends comments to me.  I took forever to decide what chess moves to make, so this game lasted awhile.  The game was over when I said checkmate.  She refused to believe it as she examined the board............but she lost fair and square.   The trouble had just begun..............................she refused to physically leave me alone.  I had gone to the men's room and she boldly walked in while I was exposed.   She walked up behind me and grabbed my penis. I in turn grabbed her forearm so hard she cried out that I was hurting her........  I let when she let go.    Over the next couple of hours she refused to leave me alone or take no for an answer. She placed her clothed breasts in my face..........................she tried to shove her hand down my pants repeatedly........................she grabbed my crotch, to which I slapped her hand with forced.............tried to get on top of me as I laid leaned back on the sofa trying to read.  This transpired over the course of a couple of hours  Winnie watched this and found it amusing.  She wouldn't intervene, despite my pleas for her help.   Finally, I informed Winnie that I would leave the building and go AWOL if this didn't stop.  Even if I had to face punishment for leaving my post..................I couldn't take anymore of this.  That made a difference, but not without being verbally ridiculed by both of them for my choices.................I was just being a"baby", a "little boy"  "What's the matter don't you like women?"
       Now I was concerned to be around either one of them.   I didn't and couldn't report this anyone.  It was my word against theirs and then I was afraid "Mac" might come after me when he got back if his wife lied about the circumstances.  If the gender of the people involved in this incident were reversed,  then maybe it would have mattered..............................males don't get sexually assaulted and harassed by females.......... right?
       I didn't have CQ with Winnie anymore after that night.  Thank God for that.  I did see Mac's wife while walking a couple of times, .....she would just laugh when she saw me.    I also saw Mac.  The way he stared at me, I'm sure he must have heard something,  but he never said anything to me. I know some would laugh at these events and would have felt and acted far differently.   I had set a standard for myself................what was wrong with wanting my first time to be something personal........................not just a causal fling with someone I don't even know?  Yet alone the wife of another man.   This event only served to cause me to feel more self-conscious about myself and my past.  Being a person who was exposed to abuse in the past, I refused to get violent, even in defense of myself...................especially against a female.  Eventually, I would turn violent..................  but only towards myself. I had to be the one to couldn't be them.   I would become a man out of control.
                         Until next time....................................God Bless.

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