Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Broken Trust.

Hey all,   When I was 13 years old,  I lived with my grandparents in Glenside for the duration of the 8th grade.  It was lonely at first but as I made new friends in their neighborhood.and settled into my new surroundings.  Shortly after coming to live there, the first friend I made was the "girl next door".  I was very backwards when it came to girls, not having any sisters and living some what of an  isolated life.  I didn't have the slightest idea how to even talk to a girl.  They were like aliens to me.........maybe from venus.
       She was a very pretty girl and it didn't take me long to have a crush on her.  On her part I was just a friend.  She lived with her Mom and didn't see her Dad.  Her Mom worked a full time job, so she had time after school to herself until her Mom got home.  We were the same age and she was physically developed for her age.  She also had a secret life of her own.  She smoked and dated  18 year olds.  I never told anyone.
On one day she had a girlfriend over along with two 18 year old boys.  We all sat on the front porch and played card games and talked.  My friend was flirting with the boys and would make insinuations.of a sexual nature when things took a turn and they took her inside the house by force.  They were still all laughing but I felt uncomfortable as she was struggling pretty hard.  They got inside and locked the screen door.  There was a lot of screaming by her coming from inside.  The other girl just sat there staring at the street with tears welled up in the corner of her eyes.  I realized then that this could be serious.  I went to the door and watched as she struggled to free herself as they tried to drag her to the back of the house.  She managed to get free and get to the screen door and unlock it but was caught again and taken to the back of the house.  I wasn't sure what to do.  By this time I was 14,  they were 18 and there was two of them.  I was scared, but, I decided that worse that could happen was that they would beat the crap out of me and since I was accustomed to this at home, one more time wouldn't make a difference. She was still screaming when I went inside and found them trying to get her on the floor. When they saw me they told me to get out or they would make me leave and I would get hurt.   I told them to let her go and that they couldn't hurt me any worse than I got it at home and .......... I wasn't leaving.  They didn't think to long about it and they let her go, leaving within minutes.   I still don't know if this was playing or for real.
        Some time after, I revaled to my friend about how my life was at home.   It was my private pain and embarrassment. I told her about my alcoholic Mom and some of the things that happened in that house. We knew each others secrets.
        A few days later it was dinner time at my grandparents house.  We all sat down and Grandpopop said grace over our meal as he always did.   It immediately went sour after that.  My Grandfather was silent but Grandmom lit right into me.   How could I talk about my Mother that way!  I was a liar!  My ears were red and burning  as I sat and listened to my Grandmother chew me out.  My Mother was a saint and my Father was no damn good and she wanted to make sure I understood that.. When I got a chance to speak, I told them that what I said was true...................... whether they believed it or not.  Which only led to more yelling from Grandmom.  After dinner I went to my room and cried as quietly as I could.
        I was informed that my friend told her Mom and that they both talked to my Grandparents.  At the end of it all,  my "friend" believed that I lied and since this related so closely with her events with her Dad............she looked down on me after that.  We weren't much of friends from then on..  I was felt so betrayed.........I told my most personal secret and not only was my confidence broken , but, I was shamed by my Grandmother and rejected as a friend.   I never revealed any of my friends secrets to anyone back then.   I only retreated further back into my soul as I learned yet another example of broken trust from someone I cared about and  again by another female.  I was backwards about male/female relationships for a long time.
      I left my "friends" name out of this story out of respect for her privacy.   I came to understand how this could have happened and how she felt and harbor no ill will.  Things happen and this...............was just another day.
                 Until next time.......................God Bless

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